The Dream
by moanda
Summary: A one- parter. After Angel loses Connor. I must warn you it is sad...


Disclaimer: I don't own Angel or anything like that-cause then I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be helping write the show!! and Gunn and Fred would never have gotten together...  
  
A/N---Well, I have never really written anything Angel and posted it. Although I do help my friend melohdramatic with her stuff (including Journey). And this format is kinda funky. I started this idea as a poem thingy but it really isn't. But I guess it could be.  
  
A/N 2--- I love Wes, he is my favorite!! But this is from Angel's point of view so, I had to write it that way. ** This fic takes place somethime after Connor is gone. **  
  
The Dream.  
  
  
  
I have a reoccurring dream.  
The Hyperion is chipper with sunshine radiating through the windows.  
The birds sing their sweet song.  
Fresh flowers fill the vase on the counter.  
Everyone is there and smiling.  
Cordelia is holing Connor in her loving arms.  
She sets him gently on the floor.  
With his chubby legs, he crawls slowly toward me.  
I overflow with joy.  
I pick him up.  
He gurgles with satisfaction.  
Wes is suddenly beside me.  
He reaches out his hands for Connor.  
I feel a swell of jealously.  
Faces stare at me expectantly.  
Even though I know I can trust him, I'm reluctant.  
Finally, I hand him my child.  
  
Suddenly, everyone is by the door.  
They walk out into the sunlight.  
At first I jog to catch up.  
I stop, though, at the threshold of the door.   
I take another step.   
The light of the sun fall gently on the toe of my shoe.  
Instantly, searing pain rushed through my body.  
I step back.  
Everyone looks back at me again.  
  
At that moment Holtz appears.  
He grabs Connor away from Wesley.  
He turns his back to me.  
I can no longer see Connor.  
No one else moves to stop him.  
Gunn just puts his arm lovingly around Fred.  
Lorne stands with his usual stature.  
Cordelia has disappeared.  
But Wesley...  
Wesley almost has a grin on his face.  
It is unbelievable that no one is doing anything!  
The need for my son is overwhelming.  
I dart out into the brightness.  
The pain is unreal.  
I ignore it.   
Finally, Holtz is standing in front of me.  
I grab his shoulder and roughly pull him around.  
His hands are empty.  
No Connor.  
Then he disappears too.   
Everyone is still looking at me.  
The sun is about to take its toll on me.  
  
I awake in my bed.  
Alone.  
It's about three o'clock in the afternoon.  
I look across the room to Connor's crib.  
I can see a small part of the neatly folded blankets.   
I hear a small noise.  
Frantically, I scramble out of the bed.   
By the crib, I rummage through the blankets.   
He's gone.  
I knew.  
I always knew.  
This happiness could never have lasted.  
Alone.  
No happiness for me.  
I was meant to only feel the pain I inflict on others.  
Alone.  
Destined to be.  
Alone.  
  
At that moment, all my years of brooding experience cannot help.  
The suffering is unbearable.  
My throat grows tight.  
I need some relief.   
Some release.  
A thought races through my head.  
"Even Hell is better than this."  
I say aloud.  
  
Acting on impulse, I run to the window.  
I don't really know what I am doing.  
I pull back the thick, dark drapes.  
My eyes are closed.  
I feel the burning on my skin.  
I stand here for a few moments.  
The pain is not very great.  
I open my eyes.  
They are greeted by a dark, gloomy sky, blocking the sun.  
A hard rain is falling.  
I still stand before the open window.  
Agony engulfs me.  
Defeated, I collapse there on the floor.  
A single tear slips from one eye.  
  
I lay there.  
Alone.  
Seconds pass.  
Minutes.  
Hours.  
  
Soon the clouds will move on.  
  
Perhaps someone will come looking for me.  
They will wonder where I am.  
  
The clouds are moving.  
  
Someone will eventually come.   
Open the door to our room.  
My room.  
  
The clouds move away.  
  
They will find me by my window.  
  
The clouds are gone.  
  
Or there won't be anything to find at all. 


End file.
